we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
