Your mouth is God's brothel.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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