Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
