nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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