Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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