In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
