do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize