Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
