Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i came on her dog
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
