you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
