Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
