Four minutes until I can fart!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
