just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
