Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
as a side note pls kill me
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