quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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