make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
