You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
