How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
