Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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