the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
bring money and cleavage
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
