At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
