my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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