Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
