Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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