so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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