Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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