it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize