They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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