There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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