its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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