i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
