he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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