operation harelip BJ is a go
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
