GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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