So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just forgot I was standing up.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
soo... how was my night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
