After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
