DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
