I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
