this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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