Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
