I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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