she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
