I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
pop tarts are not kleenex
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
