My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
