It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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