I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
