she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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