his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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