I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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