and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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