someone threw a dead crab at me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize