I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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