So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
