Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
