So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
