I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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