out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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