i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
