highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
