Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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