her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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