i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize