this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
