Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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