Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
