So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
