So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
