Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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