Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
