Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize