I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
