If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
