just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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