she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just cropdusted the office
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
