Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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