WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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