I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
