I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I will be naked everywhere
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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