we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
