If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize
