Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
