How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
