I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize