this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize