I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize