your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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