One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
