The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
