Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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