Someone shit on the floor
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
